me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
