I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
