what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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