Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It was confusing and full of hummus
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
