Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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