plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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