yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My Higher Power is John Stamos
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
