I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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