I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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