Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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