there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Randomize
