South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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