my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
