sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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