Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
