i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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