I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
