about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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