i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
