Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
