Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
