but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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