my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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