she woke up with a sticky ear
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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