I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
