apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
