One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
