You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
