so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
