My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I need a beard to bite.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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