The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
