we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
