party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
