Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
