people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
