Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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