Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
