need another drink. this is the easiest way
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
