evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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