when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
