By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
