I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
