It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
