I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
