dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
