separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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