I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's never too late to be topless.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
