You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I look better un-naked...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
