I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
