Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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