Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
