Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
