I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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