she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
that's an acceptable place to lick
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
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