Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
