Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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