we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
