so explain again why im purple
no
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
