The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
