i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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