Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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