Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
