Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
