Betty ford says i'm here all night
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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