I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
