Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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