I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
