I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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