One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
